Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
