i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
