It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
