Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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