areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
