My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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