Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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