I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
