This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
