glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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