Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
