so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
