Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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