my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
