he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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