How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize