Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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