i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
