Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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