when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize