he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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