What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
