someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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