Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
