I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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