But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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