I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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