I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This baby is an asshole
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
