My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
