I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
