Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just pee around me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
