I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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