She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
