so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
