I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize