I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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