Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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