After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
