Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize