She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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