I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
