i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
