It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
two words: eviction party
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
