My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
