My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
