dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
