my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
