you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
