yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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