Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
