Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
