this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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