The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
