I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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