she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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