I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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