i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
