i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
