I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
