9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
