I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
