I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
