Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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