I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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