6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
