Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
