Sponge bath it is.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
